The power of words

Apparently the average person hears between 20,000 and 30,000 words in a day and speaks between 7,000 and 16,000 words.

Broadly speaking, those of us who are more extroverted will likely enjoy lavishing the world around us with our abundance of words, whilst those more introverted will be more restrained when it comes to the sheer volume of words they speak.

But if the research is right, we only process and remember about 10% of those words. If your people, your friends or life partner only really remember 10% of the words you speak to them in a day, which ones do you think they will remember? 

As human beings our brains are wired with negative bias.  

• You receive a positive review with plenty of praise, but you dwell on the one area of critique. 

• You still remember that time you made an embarrassing mistake all those years ago and you cringe at the memory. 

• Someone you know walks past you in the street and doesn’t say hello - you must have done something wrong (they can’t simply be preoccupied with their own thoughts). 

Whether you are a more introverted or extroverted leader, how you use your words matters probably more than you realise. A trivial off the cuff remark has the potential to improve or worsen some else’s day, encourage and motivate or discourage and disengage. Leaders’ words can have a disproportionate impact. 

Are you committed to: 

• growing your people; 

• relating well to customers, colleagues, shareholders and other stakeholders; 

• being a great communicator; 

• fostering a culture of high trust? 

If you answered yes to these then you already know that your words matter. You already know that if it was easy to master our words the world would be a simpler, better place. Ancient wisdom says, “What comes out of your mouth reveals the core of your heart.” No wonder we struggle to master our words! If our words are an expression of who we are or how we are feeling at that moment, in that situation, then there is even greater complexity to navigate - and lifelong learning for mastery. But in the meantime, we need to start somewhere.

Here are some practical tactics for leaders that we have shared and encountered in our work: 

• Create a culture of timely, respectful feedback to avoid the common pitfall of careless critique. We all need good quality feedback, both praise and critique, in order to grow. When giving feedback there are a number of different frameworks you can choose, but most importantly choose words that demonstrate your genuine care of the person whilst delivering clear feedback. (We like Kim Scott’s Radical Candor approach). 

• Manage your own emotions - As a leader you will be managing a broad range of issues and at times be under significant pressure or simply experiencing frustrations. Make sure to manage your mood and not allow your frustrations to bubble over into sharp or careless words. "Don't mix bad words with your bad mood. You'll have many opportunities to change a mood, but you'll never get the opportunity to replace the words you spoke." - Unknown 

• Find out how others prefer to be communicated with. Being a self-aware leader is a fundamental aspect of great leadership and becoming “others aware” is just as important. Whilst treating others the way you would want to be treated is a good start, we would advocate that leaders treat others as they want to be treated. This is often neglected because it requires an investment of time and energy to better understand those around us and in the urgency of the day to day, it is all too easy to re-prioritise this time on other matters. The best leaders recognise that focusing time to better understand their people is a wise use of their time. 

• Less is more - this is one for the extroverts. I think this speaks for itself! Say what you need to, then be quiet and leave space for others to speak. 

• And for the introverts - Speak up more, especially when you need to (said like a true extrovert!). But seriously, your colleagues will benefit from your contributions and you will likely spot something they have missed. Your perspective is valuable, your input essential. 

• Don’t assume that because you said it you have successfully communicated. As one CEO said to me: “Communication isn’t simply what is said. It’s what is understood that really matters.” As leaders we need to ensure our messages are understood as we intend them to be. This will mean adapting our communication style and following up what we say in writing or other suitable formats. 

• Finally, take time to reflect and ask for feedback. This is the best way to understand the impact of our words. It can be uncomfortable, even occasionally painful, to hear how we may have missed the mark, misunderstood a situation or simply got it wrong. But these are valuable opportunities to put things right, improve how we use our words and grow into a better leader and a better human being. 

And of course, we are always here to help. If you would like to increase your self-awareness, your team’s self-awareness or would like to talk about any of the other ways Leaders can help, please do get in touch, we would love to chat with you.