What do you stand for?

It contributes to understanding why we do what we do, informs whom to pursue as friends and mentors and illuminates a source of what makes us truly content.

And yet, we tend not to give a great deal of time to consider what we stand for, at least not in the way that I’m suggesting here. 

Most of us can talk about what matters to us, and whilst that’s a good start, it’s quite limited. In recent conversations, people have told me that they care about:

• Their families, especially their children. “My children’s future,” said one client. “My daughter’s happiness,” said another.

• Their careers; advancing in position, being recognised, achieving qualifications, and making some money.

• Their business; responses included “growing this business,” “cleaning this place up,” and “hitting our targets.”

• Their experiences; places to see, people to meet, challenges to try. 

These are (mostly) laudable, but they merely hint at what actually matters. It’s the underlying motivation, the foundation on which these cares are built, that is truly important. We might call these our personal values; the qualities, traits and foundational beliefs on which we are building our lives.

I would argue that everyone has personal values; we’re all building our lives on something. But not everyone considers their values, works on them or applies them. And not all values are healthy; greed, for example, will lead to some quite destructive behaviours. 

For all our targets, objectives, and strategies, when it really comes down to it, it’s our character in which real value resides. And there are some universally understood ideas about what makes for ‘good’ character. For example, given the choice between being a kind person with no money or a rich coward, I suspect the majority of us would choose the former. Yet most of us give far more towards developing our external accolades (wealth, business success, medals) than our characters. 

If we are to live and lead with excellence, it’s crucial to build on healthy values. This calls for frequent, active practice to strengthen the qualities that we want to build on and to discard the traits that corrupt, undermine and distract us from a life of excellence.

It’s remarkable how the temptation to compromise on our values can creep in, especially when we’re under pressure or we’ve achieved rapid success.

In other words, what we stand for can’t be just a strapline on LinkedIn or statements of good intention. Values are lived out in practice, in our actions, choices and behaviours. In just the same way as an athlete needs to train and practice, we need to practice at our values - work on them frequently - if we are to be the authentic, valuable, excellent people we aspire to be.

If you’re not clear on what you stand for, these reflective questions can help:

• What can’t I stand?

  Observing when we are deeply upset by an event or behaviour can inform what matters to us. Especially when it’s someone else who’s being affected. “That’s not fair for them,” “you can’t treat them like that,” “that’s just not right, someone should do something to help them.”

• What have I refused to do?

  Has there been a defining moment, one where you’ve said ‘no’ despite the pressure to say yes? What might that tell you about what matters to you?

• What are the connections in my interests?

  Our values are often the common theme among our varied interests; someone who stands for justice will be doing so at work, at home, with friends, in sports and when they travel.

• What do others think I stand for?

  People who know us well and that we trust can sometimes see what we can’t see in ourselves, including the good things. Asking a good friend what they think we stand for can take courage but will be informative. Just be ready to answer the same question for them!

My own enduring personal values are integrity, humility, wisdom and joy. Each means things to me. Each is aspirational, in that there’s always room for more and better. I do my best to bring these to my conscious every day. Whilst what I’m interested in and my daily experiences of life vary, what I stand for is clear to me.

My challenge to myself, just as much as anyone else is this:

What do you stand for? How would anyone know?