Do or do not; there is no 'try'

I was reminded of it this week when work-life balance was discussed with a number of senior leaders. Around the same time, I’ve been reading some wisdom from both modern sports science and ancient sources. Each suggests that balance, at least the type of balance that seeks an easy life with little or no pressure, will not provide either the meaning or the results that we imagine.

‘Striking the ‘perfect balance’ is an illusion. A huge part of what makes life meaningful is giving your all to the things you care about.’ - Brad Stulberg.

‘I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!’ - The book of Revelation, chapter 3.

It is not possible to be driven, to truly care and to be only partially interested, casually invested and occasionally attentive. Being committed to something or someone requires dedication to the cause, determination, consistent effort and the best of our energy. There is no such thing as ‘sort of’ committed; it’s an oxymoron.

I would take this further for leaders. Without being all-in, we may as well be all-out. Our ideas, companies and people deserve nothing less than our consistent best. It takes dedication and determination to convert good ideas into actions, improvements, goods and services. Ditto anything and anyone that we care about. For those of us with families, we can choose to give undivided attention to those we love, rather than a short burst of conversation whilst scrolling through social media.

Does this mean that we need to be unbalanced? So focused on our work and careers that there’s no room for anything else? No, far from it. Wrapping our identity wholly in work is far from healthy.  This is not a call for a monochrome life, where one aspect absorbs all attention. It’s more an appeal to presence; being fully present and committed to the activity (or rest/relaxation) and people that we’re presented with. We need to ensure that we are intending for those activities and people rather than stumbling through the week reactively.

In other words, when we’re working, we need to be dedicated to the task at hand. When we’re resting, we need to be committed to the rest. When we’re with family, we need to be wholly focused on them. Friends - the same. Arts, interests, sports - whatever it is that we care about, to be undivided in our attention, alert and alive. All-in.

At Leaders, we measure ambition and commitment via a behavioural science tool. We also gather anecdotal evidence from our experience with a wide range of leaders at different stages in their careers. Here are some of the problems we’ve noticed that compromise an all-in mindset:

• Stepping back just as an objective is within reach. It’s almost as if the relief arrives a month or two early.

• Letting other people’s priorities dominate rather than our own ideas and aims. It’s a recipe for unhappiness and sometimes deep resentment. 

• Being far less present after achieving a financial result with a decent payout.

• Finding creative ways to take time or resources from the company; a business trip with token client meetings, working from home when family are visiting, having team members organise personal matters. Often this is connected to feeling trapped in a job that’s not exciting but pays well.

There are many reasons why our commitment can wane, some of them simple, others more complex. For me, I notice that when I’m feeling tired, I quite quickly lose momentum and interest. But the effect on others is profound. If we’re a bit switched off, then why would they bring their best? Equally, at home, if we think we’re having a deep, healthy chat with our life partner whilst thinking about work, glancing at emails or playing Candy Crush, we’re sadly mistaken.  

If we’re becoming lukewarm, what can help us? Here are a few ideas, it would be great to hear yours:

1. Tiredness makes it difficult to focus and be present. Plan for better sleep (for me that includes setting a go-to-bed alarm, blackout blinds and earplugs). Take an ‘all-in’ break; rest like it’s the most important thing in your diary. Don’t let tiredness be the excuse for giving half-hearted attention.

2. Revisit purpose. What made this work or activity interesting and meaningful at the outset? What would it take to rediscover this sense of meaning? What annoying little tasks can I chop out to make space for something more interesting?

3. Be around sparky people, avoid the mood-hoovers. Who we are with significantly influences how we feel and how we think. If the majority of our day is around negative people, who themselves can’t be bothered, are angry or resentful, then guess what? Finding the motivation to be all-in is a huge uphill battle. Where are the interesting people? Get around them. 

4. Practice presence. Put the phone away when speaking with people. Listen keenly. Be interested in others and ask good questions. Literally be there - the weekly update, town hall, a difficult moment for the team/your friend. A quick WhatsApp isn’t enough. A CEO set a great example recently by coming off his holiday to be with a team for a day as they experienced a tough change. He didn’t need to be there, but the fact he was made a world of difference.  

5. Leave. OK, this is a drastic one. However, leaders who have lost interest do more harm than good. It might be that the company has changed and is no longer what was joined. Alternatively, the market has changed, and the work is no longer exciting. Or perhaps you have changed and want to do different things. Whatever the reasons, if a loss of appetite for the work has set in, then it’s time to find a place that would be more stimulating. 

It’s a cliché, but life is a little too short for us to dilute our abilities, give half-hearted attention and get away with it. A flourishing life is an all-in life.